Egotistically bent Sadist
by OrigamiPrayers
Summary: An AkuRoku oneshot. Axel tried to pretend it didn't matter, and that it was just like losing an addiction as to why he felt more empty. Not that he needed Roxas, not that he loved him.


Silence, it made the hole in his chest feel more empty than it already was. There was a heart there once, and as his body functioned without it, Axel could feel the dull throb as it seemed to ache in a pathetic sort of echo. It pissed him off to no end, like a puzzle with a piece that he just couldn't find. The fire that surged from his fingers fed off of the feeling, growing and licking around his hands as he attacked the Heartless around him.

But, there came a fullness at times, subtle and although he wasn't sure if that was what was supposed to go there, the feeling was satisfactory enough. He needed it. And the only time he had it, like a sick addiction to a drug, was when those ice blue eyes would look into his with the hint of something more than that what they were told they could feel.

It'd only been a week.

The boy had been so quiet, not even speaking when the taller male would threaten him at the tip of his chakrams. He would merely glare, forcing emotion into those pretty blue eyes and tease him with it, pulling the keyblades from the darkness and pressing metal against metal with sparks of rage flying. It was deliciously full, made a throb in Axel's chest that shook nearly to his bones.

By the end of their fight, they would both be so exhausted, so tired that although their eyes still held the anger, the heat, they could barely continue on. The thrill built and filled him, it becoming a tradition to try to make the match go longer, the feeling last just a little longer. That little itch that only fighting with Roxas, Number Thirteen, could scratch and caress.

But eventually, that wasn't enough. Seeing the anger, it was typical, he had felt that now. Axel needed more, to taste it in the air and see it in those eyes. It was the closest he would ever get to the fullness and he needed, hungered for more. So he began talking to the male, even when he would get no response, desperate to pull more from him, more than what he had now.

The first day Roxas smiled, he felt it again, a shiver down his spine and his chest overflow with emotions. It became friendship, or the closest thing to it that Nobodies could achieve to such a thing. They would talk about what they knew, and what they didn't. When the wall broke, he needed less of what the younger male could give him, and more of what he couldn't.

He wanted him.

The first night it had happened, it had been fierce, both men fighting and fingers digging into skin. There was no passion. It was not making love, it was sex in the raw. The feelings between them, whatever words could be used to describe them, the red headed male could only keep them going as he took Roxas, shoving him up against the wall and making him beg for completion, forcing them to commit an act to keep them both going, to give both of them the fix that they needed.

"Axel..." It had been moaned harshly as Roxas sucked in air, and he came then. He hadn't seen stars, or been made weak in the knees. No, he had felt, and it was the strongest that he had ever felt since he had been...since he had a heart.

Sex, violence...like all other drugs they began to lose their power over him, the fix becoming more of them, but it never could fill the void. Eventually, even Roxas began to notice the change, could almost sense it as they would commit their sins, their acts more often just to keep functioning like they had hearts.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Roxas asked one day, forcing the taller male to look at him by grabbing his arm, blue eyes tainted with emotions, the feelings nearly seeping out of them.

Not responding with words, Axel shoved him up against the wall, not satisfied with their bodies touching, and the younger male could see it. He kissed the blond harshly, replying because he had to. "It isn't enough anymore."

Roxas kissed him back, biting his lip harder than he needed to. "It never was." His hands went to the zipper keeping their skin from touching.

Not wanting to admit it, he placed a hand to stop the smaller one from moving. "Yes it was! It always has been until now."

"Lust is-" the smaller Nobody moaned, "-is never strong enough." It was more than he normally talked, and Axel wanted to silence it. He just needed a little more.

Struggling against squirming male, Axel ran his hand down his lover's chest, reaching for his throbbing member. The smaller male bucked into his hand, and Axel grinned coldly. "This is all it is."

Roxas leaned closer, a moan bitten back and swallowed. "I fucking love you, Axel."

And everything froze.

Axel gave no response, and they finished their act in silence.

It wasn't too long after that when Roxas decided to leave.

Axel tried to pretend it didn't matter, and that it was just like losing an addiction as to why he felt more empty. Why his blows became more harsh to his enemies, why the sex became more rough, it was his reasoning for it all. Not that he needed Roxas, not that he loved him. What he needed was a heart, not that scrawny kid with blue eyes and hair that was made to run fingers through.

But it all crashed down on him with the parting words he was given.

_No one would miss me._

It became so clear then, that the words he said in response left his lips with more emotion than he had ever had before. He didn't just need Roxas, need to feel those arms around him and taste the sweetness on his lips. Axel needed everything about him, heart or not.

He loved him, loved him so much that the emotion he felt now made him sick to his stomach. He wanted to scream, and so he did, fire burning around him with everything but emotion, his way of trying to purge out all of what Roxas had done for him.

All it made him do was want more, craving the one thing he had always wanted, and would never get to feel.

--

(A/N: I don't own KH, but I do love this drabble. I feel that I write a lot of cute, partially angst ridden AkuRoku, but this was my dark piece, and I enjoy it. I hope you do too!)


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